Monday, July 13, 2009

:: Dark, All so dark!::

Do you have any good things to share, so I can be as happy as you? I felt so moody today, not sure what will be the root cause, but I just can't feel my own feet (I am dead?!!).... Nola, I just feel so reluctant to use brain, feel reluctant to think and just feel reluctant to do everything.

I'm so lost, thinking why we need to work? I know we need to earn money but why we need to work again? Even though we need money, but can I spend my days happily even though I need to work? How good if I have the look, so I can be singer but cannot I can't sing high note. So I can be model, but cannot also because I'm SHORT. So, I can be stewardess but cannot again because I'm short again.

I just wan to be happy and work happily. I just hated this kind of feeling, make me feel so down and miserable thinking what I will become tomorrow or a day after tomorrow or next year or in next life (wtf! who care on my next life! I sudah MATI!).

How do you go through your life? Happy? Enjoy? Why somebody can find what they like, and do what they like? Does that mean I haven find what I want? Does that mean I'm still looking for one? For sure I'm not happy with I'm doing now, and felt lost on my path. I'm not sure which path I should head forward. Can anybody help me to clear the road or mayb move with me to clear it so both of us can move easier and faster?

Damn it! I started to hate myself too. I hate my eyes teribbly, and make me feel so emotional. I remember last time, I'm very sensitive on "FAT" word, especially when people claim I am FAT, or GEMUK or PLUMP or anything related or close to FAT. I will throw my tantrum when people mentioned about FAT. Immediately I will act aggresively putting myself into denial mode. But now no more, I already slim (not that verrrrry slim) but at least not as fat as before.

But now it's my eyes turn, it looks so tired and the worst thing is the dark circle and eye bag! damn it! I hate it! The eyes is the soul for every human. Who can help me? I so fed up with it, and so sad when everytime look into the mirror. So, I should use concealer for the rest of my life? And sometime I can't even cover it using concealer (or maybe I dunno how to use) Fml! I really sad because of it, ended to how I look now.

I tried to apply whatever possible, but still the same, and sometime getting worst! wtf~ Can i just remove my eyes? Or just wear mask to work everyday or to anywhere I go? Nwo I feel so sad when people said "Wah! You din sleep yesterday?", "Aiyo, what happen to your eyes?". Damn it! I hate it I hate it I hate it! Sleep early? useless la!!! I tried it before!! USELESS!!!!! TAK GUNA!!! Drink more water??? USELESS too !! TAK GUNA too!!

So, slim also no use cause my soul already as dark as my dark circle! damn it la........

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  1. woi~~ elaine..
    I'm so lost, thinking why we need to work?
    i tot we already discuss endlessly about these in email loop almost ... EVERYDAY.. =.="
    but.. Polly and I finally got the conclusion.
    those ppl having good life, with great face amd great pocket money is because they did lots and lots of good thing in their pass lives. So they are enjoying their good karma now..
    Therefore, to gain our good karma next life. We must do lots and lots of good thing for example, email each other non-stoply to avoid anyone of us die of boredom. =.="

    second: your eyes ok la.. pretty ar..
    or u want to exchange with me.. my latest nick name is SEPET.. or "WOI.. MATA SEPET.."

  2. Dolly : I wan to enjoy it now, not my next life i death ledi! Cannot enjoy also =___=" And my eyes...T____T you have not seen the real eyes, babe.... I rather choose sepet without dark circle oh...... Come come....change with me!

  3. what makes you feel so moddy today ??? mind to share ???

  4. Aiya~ now's your turn jor.. so emo!
    luckily i'm not the one who alwis claim that you're FAT jor la or u cried so many nites jor til eye bag so big! (i'm fall under the group once in a blue moon only ^.^)
    when you're lost,think back your childhood's life. it was so fun yet simple! this is how we shud live for d rest of our live regardless your age and background.
    Again,I alwis believe everyone can live happily if they really master the tactic to "think out of the BOX"
    Darling,you'll move on very soon.....

  5. Ericyoong : Hmmm..i guess I am Ok by now...maybe PMS - post one..not pre.. =___="

    Teruterubonzu : Think back of my childhood ah...My memory very bad + I have short tern memory loss one =___=" I will try I will try......^_^ Thanks anyway!

  6. hhahah..cha boh~
    u most of the time also emo 1 la.
    eyes ah..okay ma~
    maybe you can make it smokey eyes..cant see your sexy eye bag d loh~

    work?hrmm..just wish you came out from the right lubang loh~ but unfortunately no ma~
    so just work loh~

  7. Taufulou : Where got always.....Sometime ngam I'm emo *again* when you drop by...LOL~ haahhah~ My eye bag too big to be covered...Now really like PANDA, instead of smokey eyes...