Sunday, April 27, 2008

.. Sat late dinner & Sun. Night Supper ..

OMG! I ate supper again...No wonder i'm getting "cute & plumpy".. :)

It's all because of him, he "force" me to eat, as he need accompany when he eat something, so he drag me along...I can't refuse, as i want to eat too...OMG! What i'm saying, i know it's contradicting, but that's what normally happens.. A dilemma between desire and neccessity..

Anyhow, its all in my stomach now, nothing i can do, but just hope to digest and make it "out" as soon as possible. I know abit "geli" but nothing much i can do!

Saturday --> Fried Fish, Asia Cafe Subang

Sunday -->"Lou Shu Fun" + "Yong Tau Fu"-Klang

..: Depressing Story Part 2 :.. Worth Reading it!

Continues from ..: Depressing Story Part 1 :.. Worth Reading it!

Part 2 and end...

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.
In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.
"LD, you are pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.
Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seem so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep deep scares in each other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He have forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at me and our son, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."
From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

The end...

Morale : Mis-understanding, the root cause for everything..We must appreciate everything, family, friends, etc. Do not let MIS-UNDERSTANDING or MIS-COMMUNICATION spoiled the relationship and the hapiness build.

Friday, April 25, 2008

:.. "Time flies, but memory Stays"..:

A meaningful phrase from "her", wondering who is she? Yes, she is my eldest sister, Stephanie Tam. Absolutely agree, why? Because we as a human tends to forget things easily, we are human anyway. Thus, we must capture every precious moments, every special moments we had together with our loved one, our beloved family, our treasured friends, and more...The more captured moments we had,the more precious the moments will be..

Not to drag too far, let's enjoy browsing through the special moments captured for Amanda Lee (birthday girl), Stephanie Tam (birthday girl's mom), Lee Guan Kiang (birthday girl's dad), Tam's Family, Cheah's Family, Lee's Family, all our friends and relatives...

The venue for the day, 888 Cafe

Decoration for the day

Foods for the day

Presents for the day

Birthday Girl, "I'm One-with more teeth & hair"

"Ciak, Ciak", Photo Time!

~ More photos @ "My Precious Girl" ~

Thursday, April 24, 2008

..: Depressing Story Part 1 :.. Worth Reading it!

Part 1...

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world
is gone forever.

This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX,
translated by SaFe).

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps
to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and
peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as
destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking
Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with
us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother
endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see
him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great
deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where
he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a
balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some
greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up
and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he
said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to
rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any
moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and
both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head
continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this
kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her country-side habits and lifestyle with her. For
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she
could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people
spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the
flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will
also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled:
"Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came
home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she
would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home
with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they
cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.
Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell
her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction
to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In
your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the
breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds
before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her
chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a
dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of
dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few
minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her
help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds
of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that
resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would
scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as
not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at
night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her
bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a
difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire
night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally
ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at
me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? we couldn't possibly die
eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me
and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on
the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At
the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his
breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to
perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I
resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it
because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not
to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears
as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed:
"LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice
but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a
sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my
throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw
down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just
as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly
in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me
with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of
it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then
stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final
stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so
furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up
with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the
feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with
all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life.
Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I
threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that
otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through
this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been
three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one
look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.
He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't
know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I
have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am
having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of
joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started
rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one
fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the
disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the
lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing
the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit
book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me
for good. What a rational man, so clear cut in love and money matters. I
gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a
good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a
weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in
the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the
time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at
me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the
tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the furneral,
hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare
at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other
people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward
the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the
country-side. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she
tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up
that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...

In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

To be continued ............. @ ..: Depressing Story Part 2 :.. Worth Reading it! ..:

Monday, April 21, 2008

:.. "Wan Tan" ..:

"Wan Tan" for the night

Fuyoh!!! So many "wan tan-wrapped tissue + mucus + saliva" in less than 1 hour..Hahah!
My nose is very allergic to dust, non-clean air, etc..
I'll produce mucus so easily..
And my nose get itchy so easily..
My nose get red easily..
I get flu so easily..
Long story cut short, my nose is USELESS!!No use at all!
I suspect i had sinus..but only suspecting, till the situation get worser..

Sunday, April 20, 2008

: ANURA again :

Trimmed hair

Yes, ANURA hair saloon again...i went to ANURA to cut my hair, to make it shorter, and neat. In other word, to trim it. Unfortunately, Anura (the hair stylist) was not at his section 17 branch, but at section 18 branch. So i need to drive to section 17 then to section 18,which need appx. 5 minutes drive from my house, to look for him. The cutting process took about 30-45 minutes.

So this was the end product by the end of the day. I'm sure sombody will say "No difference geh? Doesn't look like being trimmed before". It might not be obvious from the picture, but you can see the difference by investigating it from real person, which mean look at me! :)

Friday, April 18, 2008

.. Adding Favourite Icon to your Blog URL ..

Hi everyone..I manage to replace the default BLOGGER icon, to my favourite icon (a carton of myself-before i cut my hair)....Before proceed, let me explain what is Favourite Icon/Favicon.

A favicon (short for 'favorites icon'), also known as a website icon, a page icon or an url icon, is an icon associated with a particular website or webpage. It is appeared on the URL bar, next to the site's name in lists of bookmarks, and next to the page's title in a tabbed document interface

My Favourite Icon <<<---->>> My Favourite Smile

I find it interesting, as this really make my blog unique and attractive to the reader, so i decided to blog on how i make it work. Hope it helps to make your blog the same too...

Step 1: Create your own customized icon by converting images (jpg/gif/png) to ".ico". Visit this link FreeFavIcon, and convert your favourite image. Download the favourite icon zipped folder. Alternatively, you can grab any icon from here. It's free too~

Step 2: Upload the ico image (from the zipped folder) to HotlinkFiles, create account (if you do not have it). Get the URL for the uploaded ico. Some web hosting do not host ico image. I tried Fileden, but failed to display the icon. You may try other web hosting, and update me if you found one :)

Step 3: Login to your Blogger, go to "Layout" tab > "Edit HTML" tab.

Step 4: Place the below code after the <'HEAD'> tag.

Note : Replace [Your image URL] with the image URL for the uploaded image ico.


Step 5: For IE6.0, the web page need to be added to "Favourite", in order to view the favourite icon uploaded.

Step 6: Validate the favourite icon in your web/blog at FaviconValidator, to ensure the image uploaded successfully.

6 simple steps to make your web page unique, and customized. Try it!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

:.. Good Bye YS Loh ..:

Went for a farewell dinner for YS Loh at The Yuen Steamboat Buffet, at Sunway Mentari.
We reach at 6pm, and started our crazy food party. Each of us takes varieties of available foods, ranges from vegetables, chicken wings, fish balls, oysters, and many more. Total 8 of us, together with 5 planners (Hui Juin is one of them), but too bad they reached quite late, so they decided to sits separately in 2 tables, next to each other.

We eat, chat, laugh, gossip, talk rubbish, talk "kok", bla bla bla it goes our 2 hours dinner. I left early, as Leong reached at 8pm. So i excuse myself, while they continues their chats and eat (maybe 2rd round, 3rd round, 4th round, ...............). Here are some snapshot for the night...

Ladies + one ???? for the night

YS Loh, leaving us soon

Dessert for the night

Showing their macho'ness

He ate 10 pairs of chicken wings (20 pieces)..Fuyoh!!

Don't be greedy, finish those in your mouth 1st.. :p

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

.. Nyonya Kitchen Lunch ..

We (Spansion IT's) had a department lunch last Thursday, at a restaurant located in Shah Alam Mall, Section 9.

We leave the factory at 12:15pm, 5 minutes walking to Lobby 3(exit), 5 minutes to settle the Time Off with the security guard, 5 minutes warming up the car, ended up, we depart from the main gate of Spansion at 12:30pm.

It's raining heavily that day, so it slow down our time to be at the restaurant. We reached around 1:00pm. We go in 2 cars, still need to wait around 1o minutes, for the rest. But suprisingly, we finished all the dishes in 30 minutes. The reason is because, we don't talk during the eating. It's quite strange to eat lunch, department lunch in such environment. :P

♪ The dishes are being served

The ambience of the restaurant ♪

♪ The location map

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

:.. Spansion IT ..:

Spansion IT's department staffs

Spansion Kl Sdn Bhd's IT..
There are 13 of us, 4 from Infra team, 3 from Business team, 4 from MES team (i'm one of them), and last but not least our BIG BIG BOSS (lady in the center-3rd from left)
Feel strange why i'm green while the rest are white? Because i forgotten the photoshoot day, and wore the shirt that i pick from closet.
And i feel so bad being so outstanding in the picture..Hahaah! What to do, will look outstanding even without the green shirt .. :P

Different team will handle different of job role,
Infrastructure team will handle hardware,database related support,
While Business team will handle business-related application and support like payroll system, purchasing system, and etc,
And lastly MES (Manufacturing Execution System) will handle production related application and support.

Different team will have their own job difficulty and issues,
But personally, i think MES team is the most strain team as we need to handle production issue, which is urgent to everyone, and must be solve FAST...
And unfortunately / fortunately, i'm one of them.. :)

Monday, April 14, 2008

.. Brain Teaser..

I found one funny Rojak..A brain and eye teaser..

Try to count it before the swapping takes place, and count again after the swap...
You will find a difference...and wondering how it works...

Saturday, April 12, 2008

:.. It's Party Time!! ..:

"Welcome to my party!" ♪

Finally, its time for her big day!
A bash party has been thrown for her at a cafe located at Damansara.
Everything looks perfect, from the Birthday Cake, the presents, the ballons, the bear bear, the food, the environment, the party,everythings looks great!Feel great!

Amanda got the chances to meet many new friends (babies/childrens brought by the guests). It's good to let her get around with others, so she will not be shy or reluctant to play. At the same, she got alot of presents for her 1st birthday, ranges from big size to small.

I got my present too...For guessing the correct answer, for the quiz of the day. "How many ballons were tied in the cafe today?"..The answer is 51!!!!!!! I guessed it correctly! After 7-8 random guesses!

"It's my party!"

Lovely Bear Cake & Lots of bear bear..

"I'm one year old!"

Candle blowing time!

Guests for the day

Party favor for the day, i got mine too~Bear in the beg

Little cute bear (sewed with own-designed logo)

My Quiz Present!

Un-wrapped present ( bear owl-alike-coin bank)

:.. Present for HER! ..:

Amanda Lee...

It's last minute shopping, to get a present for her 1st birthday. We'd been search for a suitable present for her. Toys, clothes, shoes, sandals, socks, everything since last 2 weeks. We doesn't seem to get a suitable present yet. So we try our luck again, dropped by Sunway Pyramid last Thursday night. We went to Jusco, babies/infants boutique, and at last Parkson. Finaly, we got what we want...A branded sandal for toddler, ADIDAS sandal. We saw many cute patterns and models....

It took us about 45 minutes to choose and measure, just to make sure we got the most suitable one for her. We measure the length of the shoes, we measure the width of the shoes, we flip to ensure it is comfortable, we bend to make sure it is not hard for Amanda to wear, we check for available sizes for all of them to make sure the promoter is not bored and got works to do... :)

FINALLY, we got this one for her!! (Scroll down.......)

Adidas Red/White/Navy Sandal for little cute one!