:: Dark, All so dark!::

Do you have any good things to share, so I can be as happy as you? I felt so moody today, not sure what will be the root cause, but I just can't feel my own feet (I am dead?!!).... Nola, I just feel so reluctant to use brain, feel reluctant to think and just feel reluctant to do everything.

I'm so lost, thinking why we need to work? I know we need to earn money but why we need to work again? Even though we need money, but can I spend my days happily even though I need to work? How good if I have the look, so I can be singer but cannot I can't sing high note. So I can be model, but cannot also because I'm SHORT. So, I can be stewardess but cannot again because I'm short again.

I just wan to be happy and work happily. I just hated this kind of feeling, make me feel so down and miserable thinking what I will become tomorrow or a day after tomorrow or next year or in next life (wtf! who care on my next life! I sudah MATI!).

How do you go through your life? Happy? Enjoy? Why somebody can find what they like, and do what they like? Does that mean I haven find what I want? Does that mean I'm still looking for one? For sure I'm not happy with I'm doing now, and felt lost on my path. I'm not sure which path I should head forward. Can anybody help me to clear the road or mayb move with me to clear it so both of us can move easier and faster?

Damn it! I started to hate myself too. I hate my eyes teribbly, and make me feel so emotional. I remember last time, I'm very sensitive on "FAT" word, especially when people claim I am FAT, or GEMUK or PLUMP or anything related or close to FAT. I will throw my tantrum when people mentioned about FAT. Immediately I will act aggresively putting myself into denial mode. But now no more, I already slim (not that verrrrry slim) but at least not as fat as before.

But now it's my eyes turn, it looks so tired and the worst thing is the dark circle and eye bag! damn it! I hate it! The eyes is the soul for every human. Who can help me? I so fed up with it, and so sad when everytime look into the mirror. So, I should use concealer for the rest of my life? And sometime I can't even cover it using concealer (or maybe I dunno how to use)...wtf~ Fml! I really sad because of it, ended to how I look now.

I tried to apply whatever possible, but still the same, and sometime getting worst! wtf~ Can i just remove my eyes? Or just wear mask to work everyday or to anywhere I go? Nwo I feel so sad when people said "Wah! You din sleep yesterday?", "Aiyo, what happen to your eyes?". Damn it! I hate it I hate it I hate it! Sleep early? useless la!!! I tried it before!! USELESS!!!!! TAK GUNA!!! Drink more water??? USELESS too !! TAK GUNA too!!

So, slim also no use cause my soul already as dark as my dark circle! damn it la........